Ruins to Life

There was this once where I felt disconnected from people and from God. It was perhaps due to my introverted nature as I was surrounded with a group of people for an extended period of time, that I grew tired emotionally. Added on to that was a seed of doubt that had somehow taken root in my heart. I doubted in Jesus as I was reading up on Judaism and reasons why Jesus is not the messiah. I thought I had fought away these doubts but apparently it was still there.

I remember that day when a Christian song was playing but.. but the song did not mean anything to me. I couldn't connect with the lyrics of the song as it sang about Jesus. I recall feeling quite terrible at that time with a sense of emptiness in my heart. It was a very real and frightening feeling. In that state, I went into prayer and cried out to God, 'Save me.. Save me God,' several times.

The next day, I looked through some Christian song sheets that I have from all the times I had served in the church band and played a song called 'Glorious Ruins' on the guitar. It touched me deeply. I wept as I sang. I knew God was restoring me. I could understand and relate to every words of the song. I was in ruins. Then I came to life.

This is the song.

Right now, as I am listening to 'Glorious Ruins', I flipped through the bible and came to the verses in Psalm 116. I am reminded of that which I had gone through as recounted above. Verse 3 says 'I was overcome by trouble and sorrow'. Then, verse 7 and 8 says, 'Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,' I came to a deeper understanding of how our souls crave. Without Him, our souls will never be at rest, because we were meant to be with Him. 

Psalm 116

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
2 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

5 The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

8 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
9 that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

10 I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    “I am greatly afflicted”;
11 in my alarm I said,
    “Everyone is a liar.”

12 What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.
14 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the Lord
    is the death of his faithful servants.
16 Truly I am your servant, Lord;
    I serve you just as my mother did;
    you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
    and call on the name of the Lord.
18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
    in the presence of all his people,
19 in the courts of the house of the Lord—
    in your midst, Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord.

Making sense of life

I was just looking Roy's Facebook page and seeing glimpses of some moments Roy had when he was still here on earth. I was looking at the photos of Roy when he was young, the family time that he had, the trip to Taiwan with his friends.. I can imagine all the fun, laughter and enjoyable moments he must have had. It suddenly felt surreal to me again that he is no longer here with us. 

I am thinking right now that we are all people trying to make sense of life. Why am I here on earth? What is the meaning of life? I think everyone, at one point of their life, must have asked questions relating to life's meaning. I remember when I was young, probably in secondary school, I had a thought: What if I wasn't born? It was a weird thought, a weird feeling. I imagine not being born would probably be like when I am sleeping, being unconscious, being nothing. Sure, I would miss out on the fun, but maybe it wasn't all so fun anyways. On the other hand, I would also be able to evade the pains of life. I wouldn't have to go through ANYTHING, that isn't too bad right?

In that thought lies a deeper problem. I wasn't so sure of why I even existed. A part of me wished I wasn't even born. I was already a Christian, but maybe I wasn't so convicted of my own belief. Perhaps I wasn't so satisfied with life. Or maybe it was problems in my life that were starting to surface that caused me to have that thought. In that thought that went through my small mind revealed my need to make sense of my life. I admit, I can't speak for everybody. But tell me if I am wrong. Tell me if you do not feel the need to make sense of your life.      

How do people usually make sense of their life? I think that many people actually avoid making complete sense of their life. It sounds weird, because if there is a need to make sense of life, wouldn't one try to fulfill that need? But maybe that need is just too hard to fulfill, that people settle for less. We all try to fill our lives with activities, people, achievements, stability. By working towards these things, it gives us some sort of meaning to our lives. "My purpose of life is to bring happiness to the people around me." "I want to just live life to the fullest." "I want to get a good job and live a stable life" "I want to help the underprivileged, the poor, the suffering, and make the world a better place." As a Christian, I believe most of these things are not really bad in itself. God created relational people who are meant to have relationships. God gave us the intelligence and resources to create activities that we can take pleasure in. (I love to play table tennis ^^) It is good to help those in need and the Bible encourages us to do so as well. The Bible, however, does speak against seeking some achievements like wealth and power. 

BUT do these things really allow us to make sense of our lives? One big question that bugs me is in regards to our origin. If it wasn't God who created us, then where do we all come from? How did it all started? If one is an evolutionist, then he has to ask himself, where did the first bacteria come from? Wait, how did the earth even come to form in the first place? How can SOMETHING come out of NOTHING? That doesn't sound very right. Science is working on it, but still unable to establish a reasonable explanation. Then again, maybe the question of our origin doesn't bug you at all.

Now, I am much more convicted of what I believe in. Last year, after I entered into university, some questions that I had about Christianity at the deepest part of my mind surfaced again. I asked, and I got some answers, but more questions arose and I asked again. Through these, I gained a deeper understanding of Christianity and I found myself stronger in my faith. I realized that Christianity answers the important questions of life and helps me to make sense of it all.

So, how do you make sense of your life? 

Nice song~

Loving can hurt~ Loving can heal~

Love the dynamics of this song! <3

Love and the Freedom of Choice

Is love, love without the freedom of choice? Could God have created us in a way where we would love Him without the choice to do so? No. Love wouldn't be love if there is no freedom of choice. We would all be like robots if we were programmed to 'love' Him, and that is not love. That is at most obedience or compliance. If God created us to have a relationship with Him, then, the freedom of choice must be embedded in His creation so that we can truly love Him.

The choice we have is this: To believe in God, the creator of the heavens and the earth, who loves us so much, or, to not believe in God, and to live our lives as if God does not exist. 

"Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12) I thank God for this undeserving privilege to become His child.